Still Here - Still Waiting For News

When the people at the hospital reception and lab start to recognize you, you know you've been there too many times.

I do have to say that the phlebotomist I've seen all three times has done an excellent job - I have not had a single bruise from any of the sticks and she makes sure the alcohol has dried before the stick so there isn't any additional sting from that.

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At this point I'm not expecting good news.

I've not had any of the "typical" indicators - apart from some late afternoon bloating - my boobs have been just fine, I've not had any nausea (except for some easily dismissed last night thanks to the residual stress from the dream in which I made a receptionist at my RE's office cry because she hadn't faxed the paperwork to the hospital for today's draw - I wasn't worried about that much, huh?), no heartburn, sensitivity to odors, etc, etc.

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Yesterday, when we got home from the mountain, the mail contained the package my mother-in-law told us she was sending last week after DH shared that the FET had been successful. It turned out to be a dvd from the National Geographic channel - one I would never, ever choose to watch, IF or not. But especially in light of how things are now apparently going it was one thing I didn't want to see.

I'm sure she thought she was doing something nice. And it is definitely something SHE would enjoy. And something she thought she could contribute to share her excitement that we were finally pregnant. But last night, after a weekend of worries, it was a bit like having salt casually tossed in an open wound.

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Speaking relatively of open wounds (something I am much more comfortable with than the subject of the dvd, thankyouverymuch), tomorrow is my birthday. For some reason (oh I don't know, what do YOU think it might be) it's not been a big priority for me, except in regards to the whole "I really want to be pregnant/have a baby by my next birthday" wish that's gone along with blowing out the candles every year since we've been trying.

I guess by this afternoon I'll know what to wish for this year.

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Despite my apparent readiness to believe that things have gone south, I'm really hoping for good news and will be crushed. And I really don't want to be crushed on my birthday. It was hard enough to smear a semi-positive outlook on my face for the social events I attended this past weekend. I'd really appreciate any good thoughts and crossed fingers you could spare today.