Monday, January 26, 2009

Can I have a mulligan?

Since it turned out that we weren't going up to Wintergreen this weekend as I had thought when making the ultrasound appointment for Monday, I changed my RE appointment to Sunday. I'm glad I did.

Remember the CD3 bloodwork I mentioned? Well, the important part wasn't good. Apparently the FSH levels (which are an indicator of ovarian reserve) are not where they should be. And while the RE wants to run the test again, to make sure, this could be the major issue behind why I'm not (and haven't been) producing oodles of eggs for either the Clomid or Follistim IUI cycles. It was pretty disheartening for the RE to go from "you're still young and have time" to a concerned face when noting my age in relation to the numbers.

Getting this news Monday morning would have made my day at work miserable. Sure, Sunday wasn't sunshine and roses, but I'd rather be unhappy at home with my husband than at work trying to put on a work-appropriate attitude.

If nothing else, this news was a catalyst to get my mind over the hump it had been stuck on in regards to thinking (or not wanting to think) about IVF. I'd been thinking later rather than sooner, but now am only thinking sooner. Later no longer exists. Since I had the time, I took a look at the 2005 CDC ART statistics for the clinics in my area - 3 in Richmond, 1 in Norfolk, 1 in Virginia Beach. While I wasn't crazy about going to another RE, especially the thought of having to go through a tunnel and the worst traffic in the area, I wanted to be open to seeing who had the best stats. I was happy to find that my RE's office had some of the best statistics in regards to both pregnancies and live births, and managed to keep twin pregnancies below 50% unlike some of the other clinics.

By the time we went upstairs to get ready for bed I was feeling better. Hopeful even.

And then. That's when I dropped a new 300U vial of Follistim on the tile floor of the bathroom as I was opening the package. Glass vials and tile floors do not a good combination make. I didn't know whether to cry or throw up. On the upside, I had already injected the remaining 100U in the last vial, so I didn't totally miss the meds last night. On the downside, I didn't have an extra, and each 300U vial runs almost $300 (thanks to stinky insurance not covering anything related to infertility). You'd want to gag too if you just accidentally thrown away that kind of money.

So that's why I want a mulligan. Any suggestions for how I might acquire one?


  1. Aww man, even for a Sunday that is really rough. I'd probably have erred on the side of self-loathing after dropping the vial, but that's just how I roll I guess.

    As far as Mulligans are concerned, the only way I know to get over an incident like that is to put lots of space between it and you. My favorite way to do that is to have a really good time. Bowling with the husband, coffee with a girlfriend, baking a fabulous cheesecake, anything to distract me long enough to stop thinking about it.

    I hope your workweek is short and pleasant!

  2. Ah yes, self-loathing, there was a fair amount of that as well.

    That's what kept me from falling asleep.

  3. Hi. I'm here from LFCA, and am a fellow high FSHer who was diagnosed at age 34 and who has a son conceived when I was 37.

    I found the board which focuses on those ttc for high FSH, and it has been a tremendous source of support and information (probably in that order) for me in my journey. Please check it out if you are interested, and feel free to email me, as well.

  4. Hi there,

    Here from LFCA. Almost exactly a year ago, I found out I had a low ovarian reserve (never had an FSH test, but did have my AMH tested, which indicated I was running out of eggs at age 32). It was the push we needed to start IVF.

    I won't say I took the news well (in fact, you already sound much more gracious than I ever was about the situation). The good news is that it is still possible to have a successful IVF cycle.

    FWIW, we started stims in March '08, at 450 units of Follistim. I ended up producing 10 eggs in that cycle, 7 of which fertilized. We transferred 2 5-day embryos and froze an additional 3. I didn't get pregnant from the fresh transfer, but one of the three popcicles stuck, and she's due any day now (so fair warning if you head over to my blog).

    Good luck to you. I know how much it can rock you to find yet another fertility issue, and I wish you all the best.
    When we did start

  5. Hi, I am also here from the LFCA, and I have premature ovarian failure and high FSH, and well, no eggs and no follicles on Day 3.

    BUT, even though every clinic in my city threw me out and said give up, I never did. I finally found a Doc who suggested DHEA and it worked. So well, that I have an 8 month old baby!

    I also have endo and have had a few laps, so there's that.

    Very important to remember: you may not need IVF if you can improve your egg quality and production. I didn't need it in the end, and i thought for sure I would.

    Email me if you want any more information. Just remember that docs have been trained throughout med school that an FSH over 10 means forget it. So they repeat that, even though it is very very wrong. Don't let them crush your spirit.