Monday, December 15, 2008


Wednesday, December 17th.

That's the day the RE told me to take a home pregnancy test to see if the most recent IUI was successful. (Anyone else out there told to do that instead of getting a beta? Not sure if this is due to distance, or just his way of doing things.)

I can't help drawing a parallel between my feelings about this and about Christmas. I'm looking forward to both, and they seem to be taking forever to get here. At the same time, I don't want either to come just yet. I'm not ready for the anticipation to be over.

Friday night / Saturday morning, I had a dream that I had taken a pregnancy test and it came back faint, but positive. Of course I was excited and felt very peaceful seeing the result, but even in my excitement and relief I knew it was a dream. In my experience, my dreams rarely foreshadow reality. (I'm not negating the power of dreams for others, just stating that it hasn't worked that way for me in the past.)

In terms of egg production and DH's side of things, everything looked the best it has - definitely cause for optimism. On the other side, I can't shake the feeling that the best still isn't good enough and it's not going to work. Protective mechanism? Probably. If it doesn't work, I think I'm going to take it harder than the others since there was so much better at the beginning, and because it's the time of year to receive nice gifts. Failure would definitely equate to coal and switches in my stocking instead of the anticipated orange and peppermint sticks.

So, as the hours, minutes and seconds tick (slowly) by, I'm trying to keep my optimistic and cynical sides on an even keel. There's nothing I can do to change or even influence the outcome at this point, the only thing I can do is wait and try to distract myself with Christmas preparations.

(And there are so many things still to do that can' t be done until closer to Christmas. Oh great. Now I'm back to stressing about crap that really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. Mission accomplished.)


  1. I hope this turns out to be a wonderful early Christmas gift for you :)

  2. Wednesday is my third wedding anniversary, and it's also Bree's baby Kara's birthday, so I'm hoping all the excellent mojo in the air will permeate your side of the woods and result in a very happy holiday indeed. I'm praying for you :)

  3. Hope you get your BFP!

    Oh yeah, I was also told to do a HPT instead of a beta after my IUI last month (I live in the city) - It was only my 1st IUI, CD 14 BFN - I got my period later the same day. I'm also hoping for a wonderful Christmas surprise this cycle.