It's a self-declared title, so you can be one too if you follow the following recipe...
2 cups self-rising flour (national brand is okay, but soft wheat is better*), plus extra for flouring the working surface.
1 cup heavy cream (not 1/2 & 1/2 or any other light version, it has to be the good stuff)
2-3 tablespoons butter, melted**
Preheat oven to 475F.
Mix flour & cream in a large bowl with a wooden spoon until there is very little loose flour remaining. Turn out onto a lightly floured silicone mat (preferred) or other hard surface. Gently gather up the chunks formed from stirring and pat into an approx 1/2" thick rectangle. Fold in half & pat down again**, and fold & pat again, and again, and again, and again. You may need to reflour the surface below the dough between folding and patting.The final pat down will help determine how tall your biscuits are, I like to pat down to less than 1/2" since I use a smaller diameter cutter. Cut out as many biscuits as you can & place evenly on a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper. Gently moosh the scraps together, pat down and fold only a couple times. These biscuits will be slightly shorter.
Once you are out of dough, put the biscuits in the oven for 6 minutes. Rotate the cookie sheet so the biscuits in the front are now at the back and bake for another 4 minutes. While they are cooking, melt the butter so it's ready to spread gently on top of each golden biscuit immediately after they come out of the oven. Do that. Let cool slightly and enjoy with honey, ham, or whatever your preferred biscuit topping may be (I'm going to attempt sausage gravy soon with some sausage DH ordered from a fundraising coworker).
These are absolutely not in any way shape or form diet food. But they sure are yummy & on the rare occasions where they are not eaten on the first day they will stay good for at least 3 days on the counter - in a ziplock.
*I bought a bag of Big Spring Mill self-rising flour at the grocery store without knowing anything about it and it has blown me away, the flour is so soft & fine compared to Gold Medal or other large brands I've purchased in the past.
**I've also been known to spread a layer of melted butter on the dough before each fold & pat cycle. It helps the name brand flour but seems to be unnecessary with the softer local flour. If you do this, you'll need at least 3 tablespoons of butter if not 4.