Ah, forget it. I can't tell you there has been much change - sure she's almost double her birth weight and has grown a few inches longer making much of the crop of newborn size clothing obsolete - but the cycle of sleep, eat, and poop pretty much remains the same.
And speaking of poop, we have had some issues there. As in too much poop, too runny poop, in every diaper. Overall, too much of an indicator that something isn't right with the innards or what goes into the innards. For 4 days over Labor Day weekend (Friday - Monday) Little One got nothing but formula*. And the diaper rash which had only gotten worse since she left the hospital despite liberal applications of various ointments and balms healed in two days, I changed diapers that were just wet, and I was concerned that she hadn't pooped in two days (fyi: if you do the thermometer or q-tip up the rectum trick to induce poop be prepared for a quick response).
On Tuesday I reintroduced breast milk, Wednesday that's all she got, and the bad poop was back by Thursday morning. Now I'm trying to feed both formula* and pumped breast milk, at alternate feedings, and am hoping that the combination settles things back down. So far it seems to be working for her...but I'd love to go back to straight breast milk if I can provide it since formula is expensive! (It's interesting that with BM she can go 4 hours but the same amount of formula and she's hungry again after 3. Shouldn't it be the other way thanks to the slower absorption rate of formula?)
Also still relying on the bottle since the amount of milk she receives from a direct feed is questionable (so I'm debating now on how long to keep the hospital-grade pump and if it's worth it to get a pump-in-style or other pump and how they compare to the hospital-grade version) thanks to both latch and continuing production issues.
It's weighing heavy on me. This realization that without changing my diet my milk may not be the best thing for her, and the doubt that even changing my diet may not resolve the issue, also the question of whether my production will be able to keep up with her needs. And again I ask, why can't this be easy?
Another weight on me is the disparity between her actual age and adjusted age in trying to track milestones. Some seem to apply to one and some the other, and I'm just left feeling confused about what she should be able to do when as none of the regular 1st year baby books I have address exactly how the tracking is different for a preemie, just mention that it's different. Yay. Seriously, she's actually 9 weeks old, but only 3 weeks adjusted. I have no idea what I should be looking for her to be able to do. And yet on Monday she's due for her 2 month shots. It makes no sense.
~~~~~
On the good news side of things, I got my flu shot this week, so that's checked off my to do list.
And she's finally put on enough weight and length to break out the baby bjorn - hurray for being able to do things in the house with both hands while still having her close to me, and for having a way to go shopping since the matching stroller to our car seat is being used by the person who lent us the car seat. Chicco products are great but they don't play nice with other products, including the so-called universal stroller frames, so I've been putting off some shopping I wanted to do because I didn't want to have to lug the car seat in and through stores which do not offer shopping carts into which I can place the seat to spare my arms.
Oh, I changed my mind and decided we needed a pack & play after all for travel (and at home since the moses basket is about to be outgrown, and with our dog, napping on the floor is not an option) and it worked very well over Labor Day for both changing and sleeping. We also have the automatic bouncer which is awesome. Though the current favorite is the swing. Thanks, Erika, for the recommendation!
What else? I hear that Little One looks like me on a regular basis, which I don't know if it's true or not since I don't really see it myself. Since I'm out with her much more than DH is out with her, it makes sense people see me in her. Or it's just one of those things people say when they don't know what else to comment on. She's still so unformed that I think it's hard to know exactly who she takes after or if there are parts that take after one of us over the other.
So, here I am, sleep deprived (why does she choose the nights I most need sleep to not want to go back to sleep herself after a feeding?) but moving closer back to my pre-IF-medication weight, and am able to report that while my shape has definitely changed to the more hippy, my jeans from last year still fit! And on that happy note I will leave you.
*Yes, those are two different formula brands - gotta love a doctor's office freebie. But the Enfamil seemed to go down and stay down better than the Similac which is what she started out on at the hospital. Figures since Similac sent me $5 coupons and Enfamil cheaped out at $1. But I'm thinking that once the current can of Similac runs out I'm going back to the Enfamil - it also mixed better with fewer bubbles.)
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I know it's hard and you're going to worry about things regardless, but re the breastmilk thing: Let it go. You have enough to worry about without having to change your diet and try to figure out what combo of things will make it work. She's had your breastmilk for the majority of the past 9 weeks and that's awesome. If it keeps irritating her bowels, then there's your answer. I didn't breastfeed at all and have beat myself up over that time and time again (and here we are 10 years later) but I have finally accepted the fact that with all that was going on then, one more thing to worry over was just not worth it. Whatever is best for your baby's health and your sanity are the most important things. It will get easier!
ReplyDeleteAlso, I would ask my pediatrician about the milestones. I think at some point preemies "catch up" with other babies their age.
Oh man, don't let the whole issue of what to feed her weigh on you! God with whatever works best for you guys and gives you the least stress. Also, regarding the milestones, kids are all so different from one another that it's a headache to try to keep up with all of them! Aidan reaches some early, some on time, skips others, and I think he's totally normal. Little One is beautiful, I have no doubt she's doing great :)
ReplyDeleteOh, and I'm SO GLAD the swing is working well for you guys. I LURVED it.
I've been wondering lately myself if my diet is affecting Olivers' stomach. Chocolate is my vice right now and I read yesterday that the caffeine it contains will affect babies. I guess I've been ignorant to the fact up til now, having been on the decaf for over 2 years.
ReplyDeleteI agree with pp regarding her development/milestones. I'm sure she will have no problems reaching them when she is good and ready, and that's not a bad thing!
Whatever you do, don't google 'breastfeeding diet' or similar. It will drive you berserk! In the end the conclusion is that you should avoid cow milk in all form, veggies, fruit, wheat and the rest of edible items available to humans. But they have the gall to tell you to 'make sure you eat well' (umm, WHAT?) and eat food rich in calcium and iron and whatnot.
ReplyDeleteBetter talk to a LC or your doc. And if it comes to giving up bf, well, then do what is needed for both of you.
If it helps, G's poops are sometime watery as well. At least once a day. My midwife tells me that this is normal, especially if you get to see it freshly laid.
Baby books will drive you crazy. No matter what, your child will not be doing exactly what they say your child should be doing by any given age. I would get so much anxiety by reading The Complete Child Care Guide 0-5 Years that I would give myself a headache or worse (the book was a gift, I didn't buy baby books on purpose for this reason).
ReplyDeleteBB did a lot of things early, like bat at toys and sit up by herself, but she never did crawl properly, and she was 11 months old before she could 'scoot' anywhere with any kind of speed or purpose. She's starting to walk now, at 14 months, which I think is kind of late. My friend's baby is 16 months and hasn't even thought of walking yet, but my little niece walked at 9 months, so who's to say what is normal? It can drive you nuts trying to figure it all out.
Don't beat yourself up over BF, and don't let it weigh heavily on you. You did an absolutely wonderful job and if you have to switch to formula, then do it without any guilt. Whatever works best for you and Little One!
The bowel movements were another huge anxiety for me - did she poop enough? Too much? Too runny? Weird color/odor/consistency? My head would just swim as I examined each and every diaper. It gets better though, and as time goes by and you get to know your daughter more and more, it gets much easier.
It must be incredible confusing to work out Little One's age vs her Milestones and all that. It's crazy, my mind boggles at it all.
ReplyDeleteI hope her tummy settles down soon - and good luck with the feeding choices you'll be making soon. Either way, you're doing a great job!