5/6 Update

I find myself in a strange place at what I calculate as the end of the 5th week, start of the 6th.

The home pregnancy test (I only took one.) says I'm pregnant. The Betas (all 3!) say I'm pregnant. And yet. I don't really feel all that different.

I'm not even excited. Wait. That's a lie. But excitement is tempered by knowledge and worries, and the lingering residue from "Holy shit, what have we done?!" I've stopped worrying about the Beta results and have moved on to the ultrasound. Of course, it's all pointless since there is really nothing I can do except keep on doing the good stuff I've been doing and try to avoid any potentially harmful stuff. (Am buying stock in Purell.) Since my RE won't be back in the office until January 7th, putting my ultrasound closer to the start of (again, per my calculations) my 8th week, that's how long that worry is going to be festering at the back of my mind, even as we celebrate Christmas and share the news with our families.

The thing is, despite all of the above confirmations and worry, it just doesn't feel real. My boobies go from being mildly sore to not sore at all so I wonder how much of the sore is actually from the irregular pokes and prods I've been giving them. Last night I took a good forty-five minute / hour nap while Mike Rowe slogged his way through yet more Dirty Jobs, but that's not so unusual for me as I've been known to curl up under the down comforter we keep on the couch, get warm and fall asleep in prior winters and summers, too. Of course, this morning even after the nap and heading to bed at the reasonable hour of 10pm I still feel pretty tired after pushing myself through last-minute gift and grocery shopping yesterday afternoon. I've also been getting up at night to relieve myself which is not a normal activity - but that could be because I'm trying very hard to keep myself hydrated as I'm known to run a little low on fluids and have been feeling odd pains in my lower abdomen and back. I'm also bloated enough to not be able to comfortably button my pants and jeans, though I can get them zipped. Looping a hair elastic through the button hole and around the button takes care of that problem, for now.

In addition to the prenatal vitamins, fish oil, glucosamine & chondroitin, and baby aspirin I take every morning, I'm also on 2x prometrium suppositories, and have started to drink a mug of raspberry leaf tea once every day or so. I'm just glad I backed off on caffeine a while back, because with the tired it would be even harder to give up now.

So that's where I am. Of course, I also feel extremely grateful for this miraculous and very, very unexpected early Christmas present, and am attempting to put the grateful in front of worry and effects.