Friday, November 21, 2008

Three Days

When yesterdays unwanted visitor* showed up, I wasn't surprised. I was disappointed though, in that little piece of my soul that had still clung onto hope for this cycle.

So, goodbye Clomid. After three failed IUI's with you, I'm moving on to a cycle with shots. I'm going to have to pull on my big girl panties and get over my issues with needles. I'm going to have to keep working on further shedding my feelings that "this should be easy" to embrace a "do whatever it takes" mentality.

Yesterday while in the throe's of disappointment, and without talking with DH, I told the RE's office I wanted to take a breather over the holidays. Then, I told DH over the phone while on the way to the funeral. He very reasonably suggested that we wait to discuss it until I got home that evening.

He knows me well enough to figure there was something else besides the holidays that was prompting this. See above (plus the fears that the shots won't work, that my eggs refuse to even talk to his sperm without a forced invitation, and some others that spilled out as we were talking). And as we talked about it I realized that my knee-jerk objections were merely minor little blips. I don't agree with DH on his anti-holiday time birthday decree, but it's not a battle that I can win, so I'm respecting his opinion while keeping my own intact. Apart from that issue, he convinced me that I knew more than I thought, and that we should just keep moving on, and not give up hope that the shots will make a difference, and that through them we might not have to go to IVF.

So I called this morning and made an appointment with the RE for Saturday morning, which is CD3, to do fun things like an ultrasound, and perhaps a starter shot. (Darn, I meant to call the office before they closed today to find out exactly what will happen tomorrow, DH is putting up a fight about going back to Richmond on his day off, but if there's going to be a shot I want him there to know what to do. The ultrasound I can handle without him.) I could have gone in this afternoon but didn't want to take more unexpected time off after the funeral. I'm nervous. Not excited like I was when we first started trying, but resolved that I can do this.

For now.

*I think it was Ben Franklin (or conventional wisdom) who stated that visitors, like fish, stink after three days. Draw your own parallels.


  1. Keep your chin up, Mrs. Higrens. You can TOTALLY do this!!

  2. Look. Shots suck. There is no denying that. But I can tell you from experience: it isn't as bad as you imagine, and you WILL get through it.

    I would have an anxiety attack at the thought of having blood drawn, and would pass out during. I would cry before novacaine (sp?), even. So I found the thought of shots to be extremely daunting. And you know what? It was fine. I did it. They don't hurt, and after a few days, it's just like brushing your teeth - another thing you do every day.

    (((hugs))) hang in there.

  3. Thanks guys. I felt like a tool when I saw that the needle was smaller than the pins I use when sewing. But a very grateful tool.