Monday, August 11, 2008

I hope negative thinking doesn't have the same power as positive thinking...

I think I've managed to convince myself that the IUI didn't work. I've got nothing to base this on, but I just don't feel very hopeful.

I'm not sure if it's because I don't feel like I deserve to have hope, or because I'm trying to keep myself from heartbreak should this not be successful.

At the same time, I still have enough hope to think about the things that need to be done if this does work. Things like cleaning out and decorating the room we will use as a nursery, finding cute maternity clothes, even who I can get to clean the house if I have to go on extended bed rest.

Like many things this is a cycle. Up and down, up and down. I want to be up, but feel that down is safer so I try to prolong my stay.

It's much easier to think that it didn't work than to have hope.


  1. Hello Mrs Higrens...

    I know how you feel, I just went through this waiting and hoping also.

    Sometimes, I was so hopeful. Yet sometimes, I didn't want to hope so highly because I would be very disappointed. Sometimes, I don't know how I would like to feel. Isn't that strange?

    I just heard from someone today - Take it 1 day at a time...or maybe even in 15 minute intervals.

    Hoping the best for you.

    (I hope this is not a double send!)

  2. I know when I do this to myself, convince myself that bad things will happen, I'm always doing it as a proactive self-defense measure. That way, if I don't get the raise/land the job/nail the tricky recipe, I can comfort myself by telling myself I was right all along.

    I'm not sure if you do this too, but my husband's helped me see that it's not wrong to hope and it's not a bad thing to be disappointed. It's not better not be a pessimist if the joy of your fulfilled hopes is lessened because you didn't give in fully to them.